The Quest for a Tribe: Abroad Edition
By Aisha Daraja
Have you ever met a genuine stranger while abroad and suddenly the timing of your life made sense? Luckily for me, many of the greatest souls I have been blessed to call friends were met outside of my hometown, somewhere unfamiliar to me.
Finding unique ways to keep in touch and being intentional in strengthening our bond has turned us from strangers to genuine friends. Some friendships formed abroad do not go beyond the initial first few days, some even ask for your social media account with the intent to simply grow their following. However, this is a culmination of a global tribe of women who came into my life to aid in my growth journey and remind me of the power of trusting yourself.
MITCHELLE
I will never forget the day when my now best friend joined me on the top bunk in boarding school in Accra, Ghana. We both had arrived that evening and were trying to get assimilated into our new home, as school was already in session for the past two weeks.
She sucked her thumb, just as I do, while everyone slept, we acknowledged one another and embraced the awkwardness that followed. The following day, she and I gathered around breakfast and since we both had one thing that binded us - the unfamiliarity of our new home - we instantly became friends. I remember her telling me her name was, Mitchelle, “with a t” and that she was from Houston, TX. I exclaimed, “I’m from NY!’’ and that my brother was also at the school with me and she said hers too! Wow. What is happening, we both thought. Later on that week we found out our brothers had also befriended each other as they were also in the same class.
Mitchelle recently celebrated her 30th and rejoiced on how adventurous and courageous we were while in boarding school in another country. That is the beauty of being open to new experiences; travel does that to you. My voyage to Ghana in 2000 was merely a slight visit for me. Even at the tender age of 7, my soul knew it wanted to stay and navigate the newness that was Accra.
After abruptly leaving Ghana in 2002, Mitchelle and I lost touch - however, deep in my heart, I knew she was my soul sister and we would later cross paths again. Time went on and around 2008, I decided to do a random Myspace search and came across her sister. Thank God for an uncommon name, I thought. She came back to America in 2009 and we have been inseparable since, although living in different states. I thank Ghana for bringing me my longest friendship, to date.
ALLISON
In 2015, I was granted the opportunity to serve as a volunteer teacher in the Piedmont region of Italy. It was the perfect break right after college prior to getting into the real world. Being in Italy was the dream and although on a tiiiight budget, I knew I wanted to see other parts of the country. On weekends, a few of us would use BlaBlaCar to venture off into various areas with hopes of fueling our curiosities.
One weekend in March, I decided to go south to visit Naples, Italy. I was warned various times of the dangers of traveling to southern Italy alone; one native even described it as the Bronx of Italy. Little did they know that was music to my ears as I am from The Bronx. Since I was on a budget, I decided to CouchSurf. I vetted the person to the best of my ability and read reviews as well. I had enough saved up just in case I felt weird. In exchange for a place to lay my head, he wanted to learn about life in America. Upon arrival at his apartment, I was pleased to know there were fellow surfers. That evening I met Allison - a fellow globetrotter who was also visiting Naples and CouchSurfing as well.
We shared a bed that evening and upon morning we were already walking side by side exploring Naples. We even got a sighting of Papa Francis together. Shortly after, I headed back to Northern Italy and Allison continued her escapade and ventured off to Turkey. We kept in touch on Facebook and later that year, we reconnected in September while she was visiting New York. Allison continued to travel a bit until she settled in London. As fate would have it, I was in London in 2018 and so intrigued as to why London was her destination of choice to settle down. I couldn’t believe she threw in the towel. I thought it was a temporary move, but was surely proven wrong as we recently met again in 2022 and she is still thriving in London. I am so amazed at how we have both grown since Naples. We constantly joke about which city we’d end up in again.
CHIOMA
Some encounters are far too aligned to be mere coincidences. While on my trip to my favorite place, Ghana, of course, I decided to travel on a budget using EgyptAir. Now, that experience was trying to say the least. However, through shared agony, I was able to meet Chioma.
Although younger than me, Chioma’s vivacious spirit reminded me of my younger self. She is a force - absolutely. She often reminds me of how our encounter was not random as she prayed for it. It was her deep sense of self and intentionality that resonated with me most. Since meeting, we catch up almost every other month, and I always feel so rejuvenated after our hour long chats. We recently met up to explore her hometown, California last year.
In a nutshell-
All of these encounters are far from coincidental. I am constantly asked how it is that I met people and/or able to make friends as an adult and I find this question alluring. It really boils down to being open to newness. That’s really what led me to Mitchelle. I was curious and asked to stay in a country I was unfamiliar with which led to possibilities.
While abroad, I am very intentional about how and where I go to meet people. I often start with Facebook groups. Simply entering “People Of Color in Mexico” or “Black Expats in Italy” for instance, yields results. Create a post in those relevant groups and if there are scheduled events, attend those meet ups and be open to what can unfold. You may also meet folks and simply not click - that’s absolutely normal. Happened to me recently in London.
Secondly, I mainly use social media to keep in touch with everyone I meet on my trips. I have a different connection with social media now because it led me back to my soul sister, however, I am a proponent of being intentional with how I use it.
What good is it to venture off to a place unknown and still remain the same. The whole point of traveling is to expose yourself to a reality outside of your norm.