Black Men Need Spaces, I'm Glad I Found This One

By Leroy Adams

Black Executive Men San Antonio Dinner

For months, Sean, the Regional Leader of the San Antonio Chapter of Black Executive Men, sent messages on LinkedIn, inviting me to connect in the real world. Unfortunately, our schedules never aligned. My commitments with Culture Travels magazine kept me on the road, and Sean was equally busy with events for Black Executive Men. When my mentor, Larry, suggested attending a Black Executive Men event, I wanted to seize the opportunity, but my excitement was quickly tempered when I discovered the RSVPs were at capacity.

A month ago, I decided to invite Larry to coffee, hoping to have him become my mentor. I had reached a point in my career and personal life (I’m getting married in seven months) where I needed guidance. On my own, with voices of wisdom sprinkled throughout, I had come a long way—from Project Manager in Ethiopia with the Peace Corps to teacher and entrepreneur in China, to a life of nomadic podcaster and writer, to community organizing in San Antonio, to surviving the cynical claws of the pandemic, purchasing my first home during that time, and finally, launching Culture Travels magazine after completing a 10-day silent meditation retreat.

Featured in China-based City Weekend magazine.

With a family legacy that includes traits like love, hard work, focus, belief, and persistence, but void of degree holders, passports, entrepreneurship, and ownership of time, I found a way to do or acquire those things. After proposing last year, one question has haunted me: “How do I do this?”

How do I build a business and a marriage? Entrepreneurship is kicking my ass; how do I share that with her without threatening her belief in me? I don’t want to appear incapable, or worse, weak. It was time for me to place myself around men who, at one point in their lives, shared these same concerns. Someone who has been through it and can provide guidance on how to move forward. They would hear me, guide me, be open to learning from me, and most importantly, challenge me to be the great man I want to be.

That morning at coffee, Larry shared his experiences and more. A month later, when I told him that the RSVPs were at capacity, he, like the mentor I want, reminded me that closed doors have never stopped me. At the very least, I could introduce myself to Sean before the event started.

Once I arrived, I was offered the opportunity to stay. The event turned out to be one of the most important I’ve attended since moving to San Antonio.

Celebrating Success and Nurturing Spirits: Insights from the Event

ConversaElevated

Walking into ConversaElevated is like stepping into a sanctuary where the warmth of hand-crafted wood meets the cool edge of industrial design. The air is rich with the earthy scent of the charred oak wood burning, mingling with the citrusy notes of orange peel and the deep warmth of bourbon, grounding you in the moment. The furnishings—each piece telling its own story—blend the rustic charm of hand-carved tables with the sleek lines of modern fixtures, creating an ambiance that is both timeless and contemporary.

Conversa, if I may borrow the words of my mother, "is feeling itself." It's refined, elegant, and unapologetically confident. It’s a place where the very walls seem to echo with the history of bold decisions and whispered dreams of "providing San Antonio an unforgettable, elevated experience", where you feel not just welcomed but elevated, in control of your destiny. This place knows who it is and what it offers, yet it remains fluid, ready to adapt to the desires of those who enter.

If you come to socialize, the bar is your stage, where conversations flow as easily as the cocktails. The roof-covered balcony feels like an invitation to mix with movers and shakers, those who come not just to be seen but to see who’s who.

When the night calls for romance, this is where you bring your woman, where she can bask in the glow of attention that only a venue like this can command. Here, she stands out, not just as another beautiful woman in the room, but as a captivating, sophisticated presence—worthy of every admiring glance.

And for those seeking privacy, whether to secure a deal or to lay the groundwork for something more meaningful, the private rooms offer a space where ideas can flourish. The look and feel of these rooms—tailored yet intimate, polished yet inviting—contribute to the bonds that are sealed within the walls, be it business or community.

In every corner, this place reflects a confidence so palpable it almost breathes. It was the perfect venue for our gathering.

ConversaElevated

It’s always uplifting to be in the presence of Black men. The shared space and time would replenish my belief in myself and my abilities. We passed along the invisible mic, breaking the ice by sharing our stories. The urge to share and connect could be seen in the faces around the room. Each waiting their turn to share three stories: their personal story, their professional story, and their San Antonio story. From the Vice President of Finance, seated high in the c-suite, to the entry-level accountant finding his footing, each one spoke with a candidness as if a hand rests on their shoulder, encouraging them to reveal the truth of how lonely it can be at the top or how daunting it feels at the bottom.

Their personal stories created a mosaic of interests and passions. From tales of hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro to a veteran sharing his youthful enthusiasm for IT and tech, to Larry, whose camera—his "mistress," as his wife calls it—follows him wherever he goes.

Then, the mic finds its way to a father and his son. The father speaks with an urgency that barely contains his excitement to introduce his son, the very one who invited him to this gathering. They embody the ideal image of a father-son relationship—a reflection of love, pride, and respect. The father’s voice swells with emotion as he shares how grateful he is that his son thinks so highly of him and wants to be around him. He closes with, “He’s my son, and I find myself still raising him—well, he’s a man—but still raising him to be a good person.” The love in that bond is something not witnessed enough outside of spaces like this, where the expression of love for our loved ones is the very essence of the strength that real men display.

As the stories wind down, you notice the room is a mosaic of transplants and locals, each one a piece of the larger picture that illustrates the dichotomy of the Black experience in San Antonio. For the transplants, asking, “Where are the Black people?” is as instinctive as saying good morning, a question born of longing for connection. For the locals, often puzzled by such a query, the answer is simple and assured: “We’re here. We’re all over.” Despite their different origins, both groups share an unwavering belief that Black men can not only survive but thrive in San Antonio, their presence a testament to resilience and community.

Building Bonds Beyond Business: Personal Connections and Future Aspirations

Our eyes and stomachs were drawn to the small plates—crispy fried chicken sliders and lemon-kissed grilled shrimp skewers—inviting us to the table that stretched from wall to wall. For a moment, we were silent, attending to the hunger that our previous conversation had stirred and could be ignored no more.

I don’t recall exactly when the silence was broken. I only remember freeing myself from the grips of my food to join the table conversation about health and personal relationships. One by one, as if passing a hot potato, each man talked about his health routine.

As anticipated, the older gentlemen reminisced about their younger days when their backs and knees were still sturdy, gently advising the younger men to cherish and care for their own strength while they still had it. “There is no wealth without health” was the theme of the conversation as they continued encouraging us to get annual physicals, eat well, and get the “old prostate test when the time is right.” Somehow, this version of encouragement to get a prostate test felt different from the conversation I usually have with my fiancée.

As these conversations tend to naturally flow, the discussion shifted from our health to our relationships. I found myself switching roles at this point, going from the one seeking advice to the one giving it. In Kadeem, a thirty-year-old land assessor for big tech companies, I saw myself—thirty-year-old Leroy. Seasoned by a decade of global travel throughout my twenties and armed with knowledge of self and a vision for my life, carefully discovered through self-work during those nomadic years. Now, knocking on the door of his thirties, he felt a switch flick on, revealing the word “Marriage.” Kadeem, as I was, wondered where this overnight desire to settle down came from. At 29, we were young(er), single, globetrotters traversing the world with no attachments. Once thirty hit, we now internally contemplated the idea of attaching our lives to someone else forever.

We talked about the strange pull of these new feelings—confusion and uncertainty. When he asked me if my travels helped me determine what type of partner I wanted in life, I told him absolutely. If it weren’t for my travels and the many nights of isolation as a solo wanderer, I might not have had the time and space to work through my traumas and personal growth. That work allowed me to get to a place where I felt like I knew who I was and, more importantly, what I wanted in life. Now, at thirty-five, I’m about to marry an amazing woman and partner. If I had surrendered to the youthful tendency to avoid painful conversations and hard emotional work, I doubt I would have been in the best place mentally and emotionally or had the patience to recognize that the woman who took two days to respond to my initial advances would turn out to be my future wife.

So, I advised Kadeem, just as someone once advised thirty-year-old Leroy, to enjoy this time in his life—the travels with no personal attachments and the opportunity to work on oneself. The rest will follow. We shrugged, almost in unison. Thirty-five, we agreed, is the right age. The time to take that step. To commit.

The Real Work Begins

A night of camaraderie was coming to a close, ushered in by the exchange of business cards or the scanning of LinkedIn QR codes. By all accounts, the intergenerational gathering of professional Black men was a success. The foundation was laid to build new relationships and a community of men who would support, encourage, and guide each other through our careers and personal milestones.

Now, the work of prioritizing these relationships with texts, calls, and regular meetups would be in order. Each of us committed to doing that work with the trust that the man on the other end would be just as intentional about staying connected. We all understood the importance of this space and these relationships. We dabbed each other up, shook hands, and hugged it out before riding our emotional highs back home to the families and communities who waited for us.

Connecting with Black Executive Men Nationwide

The Black Executive Men network is not limited to a single location. With chapters across various states, the opportunity to connect with this supportive community extends far beyond San Antonio. For those interested in joining or learning more, reaching out to these chapters can provide further avenues for personal and professional growth. By engaging with these networks, you can be part of a broader movement aimed at fostering leadership, mentorship, and unity among Black professionals.